Recently I had dinner at a friend’s house. During the meal, my friend’s teenage daughter reached across me at the dinner table. At that moment, I wondered why many children and teens tend to dismiss etiquette taught to them by their parents and grandparents’ generations.

Many teens view etiquette as being old fashioned. However, proper etiquette never goes out of style. My parents’ rules on manners may not have been worded as if Emily Post spoke them, but they were rooted in the same premise that rules matter. And when followed, rules increase your chance of being taken seriously and attaining success in a law-abiding society.

You want to be successful in life, right? A big part of having success includes understanding how important it is to possess poise, confidence and the ability to handle social situations with ease. As the world becomes a more diverse place, so will your circle of friends. Therefore, it becomes even more crucial that you as well as your contemporaries receive lessons in proper table manners. Knowing which silverware gets picked up first at the dinner table is just as stylish as getting the latest pair of jeans.

As teens, you may be living a carefree life. However, mastering polite behavior is just as crucial as learning how to skate, sing, dance, roller blade, text message or blog. Some teens appear totally confused, having never heard anything about table manners. I am always shocked by teens who can tell you about the latest technology gadget but do not know the first rule about etiquette to survive in a multicultural world.

Many of your friends probably don’t know why there are abundant rules at the dinner table. This became evident to me when my daughter— whose loquaciousness leads to a lot of “Mommy, why” questions— stunned me one night at the table as she asked, “why, so many rules at the dinner table?” I had merely been instructing my daughter to sit up straight and not put her elbow on the table. Since this exchange, I have been on a personal mission to help teens and young children understand the importance of good table etiquette.

I know that as a teen you may not always grasp why your parents correct your actions at the dinner table. In addition, I realize that you may view etiquette as another bunch of annoying rules that must be learned and followed. However, manners are actually about establishing long and meaningful relationships with others. Moreover, manners help you feel more sure of yourself, help you know what others expect of you, help you know how to act, and teach you what you are supposed to say and do in every situation. Etiquette helps you in public places that you share with others, such as school, movie theaters and restaurants.

Research has proven that good manners and social skills are vital to children’s future success. Kids as young as age 4 can begin to understand and practice good manners. The younger you are when you start learning proper etiquette, the more you will appreciate, master and practice these skills later in life.

There is no denying that many teens of the Y generation are consumed with video games, text messaging, blogs, chat rooms, fashion and reality TV, among many other things. Likewise, many teens have lost interest in learning or remembering certain traditions, one of which is table etiquette. It’s not your fault. As a society, we grossly neglect teaching proper manners to young people, yet obsess over not being able to buy the latest technology. I have observed many parents during the holiday season, standing in lines for hours even before the store opens, ensuring their kids get the latest or hottest gadget for the season— regardless of cost. Back at home, these parents often neglect to teach social skills.

Many teens and young children no longer practice time honored traditions of etiquette and politeness that our society valued since its beginnings. It’s crucial that good etiquette be taught to kids. Too frequently, parents believe that their child’s academic abilities and athletic talents will cause him or her to stand out among the crowd. I challenge this assertion and state unapologetically that good etiquette skills will allow you to stand out among the masses— whether they be other college applicants or team captains— because proper table manners will always be noticed and appreciated. You never know, you being taught good table manners could one day be the deciding factor in a competitive job interview that takes place over lunch.

This is one of the reasons why I encourage teens to understand the six basic table arrangements— lessons such as placing the fork on the left side of the plate, placing the knife on the right, placing the dessert fork above the plate and more— that are advocated in etiquette courses and social situations. Learn how to handle yourself in all types situations, and you will develop confidence and your self-esteem will soar.

Ella Williamson graduated from Ohio State University of Columbus, Ohio, with a master’s degree in social work and holds a B.A. in social sciences from Morris College of Sumter, South Carolina. Currently she resides in Savannah, Georgia, with her daughter. Williamson is also the author of Mommy, Why Are There So Many Rules at the Dinner Table? Six Basic Table Arrangements That All Children Should Know (Xlibris). For more information, contact Xlibris at (888)795-4274 or online at www.xlibris.com, or go to www.ellawise.com.