Celebrate!
Your Bar/Bat Mitzvah timetable.
by Gina Gavish

PARENTGUIDE News November 2003

This is a special time in your family’s life and will provide you with lifelong memories. However, it is a time in which your child
will come under pressure in preparation for the service and social pressure in the arrangements for a party if one is planned.
The following list may help in the timing of your arrangements and therefore alleviate some of the pressure as the date nears:

One to four years before the bar/bat mitzvah:
• Every synagogue is different in the requirements for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Make sure you know the policies of the synagogue—you can meet with the rabbi and/or cantor— to make sure you are clear on how dates are decided, educational requirements and the process of Bar/Bat Mitzvah in your temple.
• Keep your ears open for ideas and recommendations from other parents who have “been there, done that.” It is never to early to start taking notes!
• If you plan to go to Israel, begin looking into the various Bar/Bat Mitzvah tours two years in advance.

One Year Before Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
• Buy a Bar/Bat Mitzvah notebook and get organized.
• Start a tentative guest list prior to booking a party place (the number of people may determine your options).
• Work out a budget.
• Decide on an afternoon or evening party: will everyone be invited to the party or are you planning a luncheon with a separate kids’ party?
• Hire a party planner, if you choose.
• Reserve the party facility.
• Select a professional caterer if necessary (one may be necessary for the kiddush even if you do not need one for the luncheon or dinner).
• Book a band or deejay for the party.
• Select a professional photographer.
• Select a professional videographer.
• Make sure all deposits are paid and that you receive contracts from these primary services.

Eight Months Before Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
• Continue refining your guest list; your number will probably be very exact except for the number of kids which you can allow to change up to the moment of ordering invitations.
• Decide on a theme, the type of decorations and who will make them.
• Hire a balloon decorator or arrange for flowers; consult with your party planner if you have hired someone.
• Begin shopping for invitations.
• Start thinking about what types of favors you might want to give out.
• Begin thinking about the logistics of the service: Torah blessing, aliyot, honors.

Six Months Before Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
• Make sure your child is on target with his service preparations. Touch base with the cantor and rabbi to ensure his progress.
• Plan food for other celebrations, i.e. Friday night, kiddush, Sunday brunch.
• Begin writing your candle lighting ceremony rhymes or anecdotes for your child’s and/or family’s closest friends and relatives; this is also the time to think about the candle lighting music (don’t worry the deejay is more than willing to fill in the music if you cannot think of a special song).
• Order the invitations (it can take up to six weeks to receive and you want to make sure there are no errors).
• Decide how the invitations will be addressed (i.e. computer calligraphy, calligrapher).
• Meet with the catering hall or caterer to decide on the final menu; another deposit may be required.
• Order a sign-in board for the party.

Three to Four Months Before Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
• Finalize your guest list and take the invitations to be addressed.
• Order table linens or anything else necessary from a rental store.
• Ask the appropriate people to perform the aliyot and honors; mail tapes of their torah portions (check with your synagogue for the procedure).
• Decide on any special music for the service if you have this option.
• Send list of candle-lighters with songs to the deejay or band leader and any other instructions you might have for them.
• Check into accommodations for out-of-town guests and include printed information in the invitation.
• Begin shopping for clothes for the bar/bat mitzvah child and the family.
• Make sure the ritual items are present for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah: candlesticks, kiddush cup, challah cover (many times these are provided by the synagogue).
• Order tallit for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child and special imprinted (usually the child’s name and Bar/Bat Mitzvah date) yarmulkes for all the guests.
• Order the favors.
• Contact a florist or order flowers for the bima.

Two Months Before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
• Buy special stamps for the invitations.
• Send invitations eight weeks prior to the event— don’t forget to enclose directions.
• Organize details with service providers: party facility, photographers, balloon or floral decorator, etc.
• Make grooming appointments: hair, nails, make-up etc.
• Arrange for final fittings and alterations; make sure everyone has the necessary accessories.
• Buy paper tableware which may be necessary for the kiddush or if you are hosting a Sunday brunch.
• Make sure everyone who needs transportation will have it (particularly parents of kids invited).
• Meet with the rabbi about your child’s speech; make sure his/her mitzvot are being performed.
• Begin thinking about your speech to your child.

One Month Before Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
• Call any guests who have not responded.
• Make table arrangements.
• Write parent’s speech.
• Speak to the photographer about family photos; collect early childhood photos and give them to videographer.
• Make up basket of “necessities for the ladies’ restroom: fill a wicker basket with combs, brushes, hair sprays, nail files, sewing items and other small touches someone might need during the party.
• Confirm details of the day with the rabbi and arrange for programs to be printed (this is especially nice for your non-Jewish guests).

One Week Before Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
• Meet with party facility/caterer to finalize details, numbers of people, table arrangements and give final payment (usually required three to four days in advance with a bank check).
• Bring party favors with you.
• Obtain other bank checks if necessary for band/deejay, balloon decorator, etc.
• Pack a small bag of “emergency” accessories, including extra stockings, and the same types of items as in your “boudoir” basket.
• Make sure the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child— in addition to being prepared for the service, has an idea of the party logistics: have them read over the candle lighting rhymes before the party.

Gina Gavish is the publisher of Party & Paper Retailer Magazine. For more information, call (800)825-0900 or visit www.partypaper.com.