What are you taking?-
Tweens and drugs...and what YOU can do about it.
by Lea Goldstein, Ph.D.

TWEENS & TEENS News January 2004

Ashley, an only child, was her parents’ pride and joy. Born loved and loving, she was a sunny child, the princess of the playground. When she grew to be a teenager, however, she grew dark and sullen. She dyed her hair black and painted her fingernails to match, listening only to morbid and dark music. Avoiding family and friends, she sought comfort in solitary pursuits. One day she passed out at school and was taken to the infirmary. The school nurse discovered tracks (needle marks and blackened collapsed veins) on her arms.

What had happened? Was there any way to have prevented this from occurring?
No family is above or beyond the possibility of a drug problem. Just think of President George W. Bush’s daughters’ underage drinking and his niece being arrested for prescription drug abuse. That’s why it is so important to take the time and make the effort to really pay attention and look at your tween. Most parents usually have an intuitive feeling if something is wrong, or if their child is trying to hide something. Pay attention to that feeling because you’re probably on the right track.

As parents, it is crucial to understand and communicate with your child. Discussions about drug and alcohol use should start well before there might ever be a concern about your child actually using or abusing drugs and alcohol. It is not too early to begin these discussions with an 8 or 9 year old. And remember, a discussion involves not just talking to or at your child, but listening to what he have to say and learning about his thoughts and his understanding of drug and alcohol use in our culture. Let him know your beliefs and attitudes about drug and alcohol use. Let him know if you have concerns about teen use of drugs and alcohol and why. And then ask and listen for his attitudes and beliefs. He may know more than you think.

There are a few critical facts that parents of tweens should know about drug and alcohol use in teenagers. Your own child is on the brink of adolescence, and those years will be upon you quicker than you think. Having solid knowledge about what your child will be facing in the next few years will help you to prepare your tween for the road ahead.

There are four stages of drug/alcohol use that teens (and adults, for that matter) pass through: Experimentation, Regular Use, Abuse and Dependence/Addiction. Although your tween is most probably not in any of these stages at this point in time, the first stage, Experimentation, is not out of the realm of possibility for a mature and/or precocious tween. And although, many teens do experiment with drugs or alcohol, (around 80 percent of teens will have tried alcohol by high school graduation and 45 percent of teens will have tried marijuana by graduation), the danger lies in the progression into the other stages of use.

Two of the most alarming facts about these stages have to do with how quickly a problem can develop. Research has shown that the younger a child is when they begin using drugs or alcohol, the more likely it is that they will develop a problem. A child who begins experimenting with alcohol at 13 is four times more likely to become alcoholic than someone who waits until they are 21 or older.
Another research finding of concern is that children pass through the stages of use much more quickly than adults. While it can take ten to 15 years or more for an adult to move from Experimentation to Addiction, someone who begins using as an adolescent or earlier can move from Experimentation to Addiction in less than two years.

Research has also pointed to the fact that problems with drugs and alcohol tend to run in families. There is strong evidence that there is a genetic component to addiction. If you come from a family where alcohol or other drugs have caused problems for a family member, your tween is at greater risk of developing a problem than a child whose family members have not struggled with those issues.
As a parent of a tween, make it your responsibility to learn all you can about drug and alcohol use and the problems it can create. Find out what drugs kids are using and what the slang terms for many of these drugs are (see sidebar on the next page). Know the signs and symptoms of drug and alcohol use in kids.

If you have a child that you suspect has used drugs or alcohol, discussing your concerns is essential. How you discuss these issues should be based on the stage of use you believe your tween is at. But no matter what stage of use your tween is in, relying on a few basic principles of parenting will help your discussions.

First and foremost, separate your tween from the problem. If your tween is just starting out in his experimentation, it doesn’t mean he is an immoral, stupid or a bad person. Unfortunately, kids are beginning to experiment with alcohol and other drugs at younger ages than ever before. This doesn’t make it right or okay, but it probably says more about the world we live in today than about your tween’s character.

Secondly, it is essential to remain calm and in control. Crises often make us “lose it” to the point where we do and say things we later regret. Find ways to keep yourself relaxed and focused on what you want to accomplish. Figure out what you are going to say to your tween before you get into a confrontation. If you find yourself too upset to interact in a civil manner, stop and come back to it when you’ve calmed down. Drug users behave in a very irrational manner. And one irrational person in a discussion is enough.

Thirdly, it is imperative that both parents unite in whatever strategy they are using to help their child. Whether married or divorced, parents often have different ideas on how to approach a child’s drug problem. Resolve your differences before talking with your son or daughter. You can approach your child separately, but the message must be the same. This can be very difficult for many parents, especially those who are divorced. You may not agree on any other issue, or think you have anything in common anymore, but you still share parenting and always will. Find a way to put your differences aside for the sake of your child.

It takes a lot of time, energy, and sometimes money to address the issues of drug and alcohol use. Begin prevention of a drug or alcohol problem early by discussing your thoughts, beliefs and feelings about drug and alcohol use on a regular basis with your child. Use television shows, news reports, community information and personal experiences to launch your discussions. Gather all the information you can so that you are an informed participant in these discussions. And listen, really listen, to what your child has to say.

Lea Goldstein, Ph.D., along with Peter D. Rogers, Ph.D., is the author of Drugs & Your Kid, How to Tell if Your Child Has a Drug/Alcohol Problem & What to Do About It (New Harbinger Publications).