A Lesson for Life
Talking with kids about HIV/AIDS.
by Susan K. Young


PARENTGUIDE News May 2005

“ Chris is just so young. It’s too soon to talk about AIDS.”

“I want Pat to have a childhood. HIV infection is an adult problem.”

“Terry will get all that AIDS stuff in school.”

Your children may seem young and innocent; you don’t want to rush them into growing up too soon. Maybe you just don’t feel ready to take on all the sensitive subjects associated with HIV/AIDS. Perhaps the stories you have heard seem confusing and you are not sure what’s true.

Think of yourself as the experienced health teacher you already are. You have taught the responsibilities of self-care— washing hands before eating and after using the toilet, eating nutritious foods and exercising. You handled the transition from diapers to pants along with talking about differences between girls and boys, the accurate names of body parts, privacy and inappropriate touching. Very likely you have answered questions about sickness, death, pregnancy, disabilities and a variety of human issues.

The time between ages 8 and 12 presents a wonderful opportunity for parents and children to explore together. Youngsters have acquired many skills. They are maturing emotionally and learning to accept responsibility for their actions. The long process of puberty is or will be starting.

By this age, youngsters know that germs cause many diseases. They know some diseases spread from one person to another and some don’t. More importantly, people can take action to prevent the spread of germs. We eat with our own utensils; use tissues for coughs, sneezes and runny noses.

In talking with kids of this age about HIV/AIDS, you are building on what they already know. The germ that causes HIV infection is a virus called Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). HIV infection is a serious illness. There is no cure. The virus attacks the immune system, the system that fights germs in the body. The immune system becomes deficient or weak. In time, sometimes ten years or more, the body can no longer effectively fight off illnesses. The person begins to show signs and symptoms of infection from other diseases. At that point the illness is called Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS). Unlike a genetic disease, a person acquires, or gets, the virus. Doctors call the set of signs and symptoms, that develop when the immune system becomes deficient, a syndrome. Simply defining the words explains what is unusual about HIV infection. You can reassure youngsters that HIV infection can be avoided. Unlike a cold or the flu, HIV is not spread by casual contact like coughing, drinking from the same cup, shaking hands, hugging, using a restroom, swimming in a pool or by being near a person who is infected. Family members and friends of people with HIV infection can safely give them support. A child who has a family member or friend with HIV infection needs reassurance that it is safe to be with that person. Discrimination that people face because others fear infection through casual contact is painful and truly unnecessary.

HIV is spread when infected blood, semen, vaginal fluids or breast milk (HIV is not spread through saliva) gets into the bloodstream of another person through: direct entry into a blood vessel; mucous linings, such as the vagina, rectum, penis, mouth, eyes or nose; or a break in the skin. Avoiding any activity that allows one of these fluids to enter the body will prevent HIV infection.

Children have seen this principle in action since preschool. They have learned that
blood may contain germs that can make a person sick. When another child is bleeding,
they call an adult who uses latex gloves when giving first aid. An 8 year old expects
doctors, nurses and dentists to use gloves.

Help your children apply this principle to their own lives. What could be a safe alternative to becoming blood brothers? Perhaps, matching t-shirts would be an acceptable badge of friendship. A discussion that starts with the current baseball inquiry could lead to an exchange of facts about the risk of spreading HIV through sharing needles for injecting drugs, piercing or tattooing.

Puberty begins sometime between the ages of 8 and 12 for most kids. Now is the time for parents to make sure kids are prepared for the changes that will happen. The role of a parent goes beyond clarifying information. You share your values with your kids as you talk. Listen for your child’s feelings. Affirm them. Check understanding; have the child explain what you say. Remember puberty is a long process that takes place over several years, so will your conversations.

HIV infection is one of the possible consequences of intimate physical activity. Kids need to understand how HIV spreads. Many teens and some pre-teens engage in experimental sexual activities that are not safe. Not all are aware, for example, that oral sex can transmit HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.

Once kids have information, they need the skills to use it. Sometimes people let things happen because they don’t know how to do anything else. Help children recognize and express their feelings. Help your child learn and practice decision-making skills. Let them take pride in good ones and learn from the others. Ask, “What could you do next time?” Peer pressure will become stronger as kids get older. Saying, “Think for yourself, “ does not help. Instead model and teach refusal skills.
Your local library is a resource for information about HIV/AIDS and talking with kids. You can access the Web at www.health.state.nys.us for HIV/AIDS information.

Cornell Cooperative Extension (CCE) offers “Talking with Kids about HIV/AIDS,” one of the first AIDS prevention projects aimed directly toward parents. CCE of Nassau County can arrange a workshop series or community educator training for your group. For more information, call Susan K. Young at (516) 292-7990, ext. 21. For information about the program in New York City, call Luis Almeyda at (212) 340-2992.