Diagnosed Not Disciplined
A look at the trend toward medicating childhood mental illness.
by Domenick J. Maglio, Ph.D.

TWEENS & TEENS News March 2006

In the 19th century there were two diagnoses: idiocy and insanity. Today there are 40 childhood mental disorders listed in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual IV. Peter Breggan, M.D., an expert in the field of childhood medication, notes there are five million children on psychotropic drugs in the United States and we use 90 percent of the world’s Ritalin.

In my 40 years of professional psychological/educational experience, I have never seen parents pleased to have their out-of-control child labeled with a mental illness or placed on psychotropic drugs. Although initially the parents might feel temporary relief to hand over their problem child to a professional, as time passes they realize this process could be lifelong.

This agony of having children with a diagnosable mental illness is an epidemic experienced by 21 percent of all parents who have children between the ages of 9 and 17, according to the surgeon general’s report of 1999. The explosion in the number of childhood mental disorders is a clear indication of our current permissive, materialistic child-rearing practices that are destructive to many of today’s children. Providing a child with excessive material goods and freedom is a prescription for an underdeveloped moral, social, emotional and spiritual compass. Over the past 45 years, modern parenting has failed the test of time.

In the short run, it is easier to be a friend to one’s child instead of a parent. It takes self discipline not to buy favor with one’s child especially when circumstances, such as working long hours and seeing the child only on weekends or less, make buying back the child’s affection so enticing. But, buying presents or being lax with rules and standards is a form of laziness. Not setting limits, as well as not supporting one’s spouse, family members or teachers, is easier than doing the right thing.

Waiting for a child to potty train himself at 4 or 5 years old, allowing him to eat when or what he chooses and appeasing or ignoring unacceptable behavior does nothing to mold the child into a well-socialized human being. This lax approach fails to recognize that a parent has a finite time, approximately 18 years, to instill a conscience to guide the child through the moral pitfalls of growing up. Permissive, materialistic parenting is lazy parenting that does little to help develop coping or competency skills. What such irresponsible parenting does often do, however, is lead to diagnoses of problem behavior in lieu of discipline.

Most modern parents are very careful to focus their attention on correcting any physical defect. Rarely in the United States do we ever see children with hairlip, club foot, crooked teeth or other physical defects. We have been trained to take immediate measures to repair the physical problem and disregard the totally inappropriate behavior of the child.

The opposite is true for obvious, inappropriate social, emotional or psychological tendencies. Our modern materialistic culture is consumed with superficial appearances— not with the heart and soul of the person.

A child’s predisposition for certain characteristics is evident early in the child’s development. Activity, loudness, sensitivity, compliance, irritability and aggressiveness are variables that naturally differ from child to child. It is the responsibility of parents to recognize these tendencies and temper them to normalize a child. This does not happen magically. It takes work. The later parents begin the process, the more difficult it will be.

One of my four children was an active, affectionate and bright child who, at the age of 4, started to lie for no apparent reason. My wife and I observed this proclivity. We took corrective measures using consequences mixed with loving discussions. He is now a 29-year-old, successful professional, husband and father, and a wonderful, honest man.

In the long run, modern parents are paying a steep price for not training their children in proper eating, manners, toileting, obedience, honesty, empathy and conscience development. Authorities, on the other hand, will have no problem passing judgment on the inappropriate behavior of the child. The negative evaluation can take place in a preschool classroom, a doctor or psychologist’s office or a courtroom. All eyes then focus on the child’s inappropriate actions, not on the parent’s malfeasance in training the child.

The parent is not the victim— the child is. Although this is not a positive experience for any parent, it is the child who is labeled and drugged into submission. The parents are granted a pass by our society as they have faithfully followed the disastrous modern parenting formula.

For the sake of your child and yourself, adopt traditional, preventive medicine to inoculate your child against vulnerability to mental illnesses. In the event that a child is labeled with a mental disorder, parents can often reverse this maladaptive behavior by administering a large dose of loving discipline, making the label no longer valid.

Here are some positive parenting steps to reverse the diagnosed not disciplined trend:
• Be a parent, not a friend. Children need to learn the word “no.” When you tell the child “no,” you are no longer the friend, but are the parent. In time, he will love you for the discipline.
• Role model what you want your child to be. Children follow your actions not your words.
• Unite with your spouse and other authority figures to ensure a consistent set of values and standards of behavior for a child to develop into a successful adult.
• Judiciously use moral consequences. This is how a conscience is developed.
• Find safer activities for your tweens and teens than going to concerts, unsupervised sleepovers with mere acquaintances or dressing in promiscuous clothes or like a gangster.
• Direct your child’s exposure to appropriate things on the radio, television and Internet.
• Take vacations with your children regardless of their age or desires.
• Eat and communicate together every day.

Being a traditional parent is different from attempting to be a friend. It is a time-consuming, lifelong commitment. It is a hands-on approach that does not allow parents to lapse back into a self-centered, instant-gratification lifestyle that may have existed before the children arrived. The short-term, loving sacrifice is worth the long-term gain of inoculating your children against many forms of mental illness.The long-term results make this significant investment worthwhile, because mentally healthy children are a positive legacy well worth preserving to produce healthy, happy adults.

Domenick J. Maglio, Ph.D. is the author of the newly released book Invasion Within (Regnery Publishing). He is a psychotherapist and the owner/director of Wider Horizons School. For more information, visit www.drmaglio.com.