Being Gifted Isn't
Always Grand
Helping talented
tweens and teens to find their niche.
by Robert A.
Schultz, PH.D.
PARENTGUIDE
News October 2006
“Gifted? Who me?! I’m just an
ordinary kid with ordinary interests. I can’t
help it if few others share my interests.
It’s not my fault they just don’t
seem to get it when it comes to endocrinology.”
This opening quote comes from a 13-year-old
teen girl from New Hampshire who was labeled
“gifted” by formal school testing.
Whether you follow her line of thinking, consider
her lucky for being gifted or deem her a dweeb
for her intellect, you most likely have formed
some sort of preconceived notion about this
unknown teen, merely by reading about her
for a quick minute. You’re not alone.
Unfortunately, most people have hefty expectations
about gifted and talented individuals. Try
to forfeit your expectations, however, because
giftedness doesn’t instantly transform
a person into a well-adjusted, high performing
and lovable person— nor does it make
someone a dud or a dweeb.
The comments made in this article are backed
by the voices and experiences of more than
7,500 gifted individuals who I have surveyed
about giftedness (see www.giftedkidspeak.com).
Yet, these comments aren’t meant as
advice. I know that advice for tweens and
teens is often taken like nasty medicine from
the doctor— nearly impossible to swallow
even if it is meant to help.
So, read on with an open mind. Whether you’ve
been snubbed by others because of your giftedness
and you can’t quite find an agreeable
place to fit in, or you feel like intellectual
peers have all the perks, with an open mind,
you’re apt to learn that being gifted,
accepted and engaged often yields great rewards
only with great effort. Read on to befriend
a gifted friend, or find a stimulating program
and make great strides with as little stress
as possible.
Making Friends and Fitting In
For the vast majority of gifted individuals,
finding friends who really understand who
you are is pretty difficult. Indeed, if you
have a measured IQ of 145, there are only
1/10,000 other folks out there who share your
“power of mind.” Move that IQ
further out on the scale and the number of
like-minded others drops dramatically (1/100,000
people have an IQ of 155; 1/1,000,000 people
have an IQ of 170). Add in possible personality
conflicts that might hinder a friendship match,
from eccentric habits to two left hands when
it comes to sports, and you have a pretty
tough task. What do you do?
First, remember that not everyone who is a
friend has to be a match for your academic
or intellectual abilities. Sure it’s
fun to talk with another 11 year old who is
also really into string theory, however, you
can do lots of other activities that don’t
rely on intellectual aptitude.
Though it’s common for gifted individuals
to have just a few friends (even just one!),
these friendships tend to be very deep, especially
when intellectual partners find one another.
This doesn’t mean acquaintances cannot
or will not become close friends, given time,
acceptance and understanding.
If you haven’t yet found an intellectual
peer in your local area, broaden your search.
Get involved in activities that bring together
kids from other locations. These activities
give you more chances to connect. Actually,
most kids in general are trying to make the
same type of connections too!
Here are a few routes to take to fit in with
new friends or programs:
•Join an extracurricular club or non-competitive
sport, and play for fun.
•Try a new activity (like ice skating,
fishing or playing the saxophone) that brings
you beyond your comfort zone. Enjoy just trying
the new experience. Doing this with a parent
can be an especially hysterical experience!
•Watch for interesting events in your
community, and attend a few.
•Attend lectures and presentations at
a local college or university.
•Get involved in a cause or take part
in community service.
•Go to a local gifted conference to
learn about and meet other gifted people (even
if you haven’t yet been formally identified).
And, remember life is for living and the best
learning comes from making mistakes and new
friends. Just be sure to keep your sense of
humor intact. This doesn’t mean you
should stop earning good grades! Instead,
find ways to personally grow by taking on
new adventures that might not necessarily
match your abilities. You gain a lot of personal
satisfaction and self-esteem from taking on
a challenging task and working your way through
it, especially when you have to work to improve
along the way.
Tackling difficult tasks may be stressful,
but learning how to be responsible for your
own actions and facing challenges helps your
character grow. You’ll feel good about
yourself and feel confident that you can overcome
future hurdles in your life.
Still Feeling Overwhelmed?
Anxiety about fitting in marches hand-in-hand
with giftedness. Keep in mind that stress
is also a big part of adult life. I make mistakes
every day, just like any adult, and learn
from them. This helps me grow as a gifted
person, and can do the same for you. No need
to hide your efforts or try to blame them
on some other factor. Being gifted doesn’t
mean you’re perfect, after all! Taking
responsibility for a mistake made, apologizing
(if need be) and moving on or trying again
is an important part of growing as a human
being regardless of your age or ability.
Take it from Lisa, age 11, who shares her
insights: “Do what feels right to you.
If you like to read and can read early—
read. If you like math, do it. If you are
dramatic, play hard. School isn’t going
to give you everything you need. You’ll
need to find ways to get your needs satisfied
outside of school by making connections with
other kids who are good at the same things
as you. I don’t spend a lot of time
waiting for something good to happen. I’m
making it happen. You can too!”
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
If you’d like to hear more from other
gifted kids like you, check out the books:
Smart Talk: What Kids Say About Growing Up
Gifted and More Than A Test Score: Teens Talk
About Being Gifted, Talented, or Otherwise
Extra-Ordinary. Both published by Free Spirit
Publishing, the books serve as maps for understanding
giftedness from the perspectives and experiences
of young people like you. The stories shared
within the covers give a sense of how others
deal with giftedness and the pressures put
on them by expectations, both external and
internal.
Robert A. Schultz, Ph.D., spends the majority
of his life helping to raise his children.
He spends “spare” time as an associate
professor of Gifted Education and Curriculum
Studies at the University of Toledo. Schultz
coordinates the Middle Grades Teacher Education
program, travels the country as a consultant
in Gifted Education and Curriculum Development/Evaluation,
teaches in public schools, researches and
writes about giftedness and, most importantly
to his kids, is a hockey coach.
