Anxious About Returning
to Class?
Beat the back-to-school blues.
by Betty C. Martello
TWEENS & TEENS News September 2006
It’s September: Time to trade your
beach bag for a backpack. As a tween or teen
you may be feeling school-related anxieties.
You are not alone. Most students feel this
way. How you choose to deal with these anxieties,
however, will make all the difference in your
attitude and academic progress this school
year.
When my son started middle school last year,
he felt anxious as to whether he’d be
able to find and adjust to his classes, and
which teachers he would have. Luckily, our
school district allowed both parents and students
to go into the school the last week of August
to orient themselves. My son got to practice
his locker combination, see which classrooms
he would be in and meet some of his teachers.
This experience helped him to feel less anxious
about the unknown. I felt enthusiastic, positive
and excited that my son was starting middle
school. I shared these thoughts with him,
further alleviating his anxieties. He ultimately
felt comfortable and excited on his first
day of middle school. He felt that middle
school could be a new adventure. As a result,
he was able to make a good adjustment to his
new environment.
If you can, try to visit your school, be it
middle or high school, prior to the first
day of classes. This can help you feel more
in control and less stressed when starting
a new school or meeting new teachers. Even
if you’re not making the transition
from one school to another, like from middle
to high school, simply returning to school
can make you feel anxious. Relax. Your teachers
are there to help you grow. They were students
once too.
Now in 7th grade, my son feels less anxiety
this September due to some lessons he learned
last school year. He knows he can talk to
a teacher if he needs help with a subject—
he did this several times last year. He participates
in two extracurricular activities that he
enjoys. These activities allow him to blow
off some steam. He has downtime each night.
He likes to listen to his iPod, read or relax
by doing nothing at all. These things help
him to let go of daily school stresses and
get a good night’s rest.
Some of these tips can work for you. Be sure
to talk to your parents and/or teachers if
you continue to feel tense or unhappy about
school. Guidance counselors can also help
you manage overwhelming frustrations.
A few guidelines follow for a successful school
year for tweens and teens:
•Have a specific place for doing homework
and do the harder assignments first.
•Speak with your parents to come up
with a manageable number of extracurricular
activities you want to join.
•Limit television and (non school-related)
Internet use to one or two hours a day.
•Limit phone use. This frees up more
time for face-to-face communication and fun.
•Keep the lines of communication open.
Be sure to share with your parents how you
feel about schoolwork, teachers and friends.
Don’t forget, parents once attended
classes and dealt with peer pressures also.
They may have some tricks of the trade to
share.
•Be proud when you succeed, whether
it means acing an exam or making the soccer
team.
•If you have additional concerns, ask
your parents to talk to your teacher or school
counselor for help.
As a teen, you will likely have more complex
anxieties than tweens at the start of a new
school year. You may have multiple fears.
Will I fit in? Am I smart enough to handle
the course load? What about peer pressure
and bullying in high school hallways?
Again, you’re not alone. Consider how
these high schoolers have overcome school
woes and are making the grade. Jenny felt
anxious that as a freshman she would not fit
in. She was going into high school from a
Catholic grammar school. Even though she knew
other students who were going with her, she
was not sure she would see them often. It
is normal to want to fit in, to belong to
a group that will accept you, especially in
your freshman year. However, high school can
serve as a great time to meet and make new
friends. How about joining a sport team or
club to meet new friends with similar interests?
Jenny expanded her circle of friends by joining
the newspaper club. She felt this club best
suited her interests and abilities. Jenny
then felt less pressure to fit in because
she was doing an activity that she enjoyed
and wanted to do. You can do the same.
Rodger, a sophomore, states that high school
course work is harder, homework takes longer
and academic competition can feel fierce.
“We sure are on our own more so than
in middle school,” he says, worrying
about being able to handle his coursework.
“Am I smart enough?” He later
realized with initiative and help he was able
to surpass big expectations and his biggest
critic: himself. Having particular trouble
with biology, Rodger sought help from his
teacher and got a tutor to pinpoint and fix
lingering difficulties with his coursework.
If you begin to feel overwhelmed or are confused
by your schoolwork, nip the problem in the
bud by talking to a parent or teacher. Understanding
your classes and homework will help you do
well academically. Beyond getting a good report
card, academic achievement will give you pride
in your accomplishments and the confidence
to keep up the good work.
High schoolers also say peer pressure is evident
in upper grades. As a teen, you may have concerns
about being pressured to smoke, drink, take
drugs, wear certain clothes and answer to
bullies. It is important to make the right
choices for yourself when peer pressure arises.
Melissa went to a friend’s house last
week where several friends and acquaintances
were hanging out. One of the girls wanted
to smoke a cigarette; she had a pack of them
and offered a smoke to Melissa. Melissa refused,
stating “My Mom will kill me if she
smells smoke on me. I know I will get grounded.
It is not worth it to me.” Saying no
may be hard, but Melissa felt good about her
decision. She did not agree with her friends’
decision to smoke.
Similar situations will arise, be it being
told to have a drink at a party or getting
taunted for not wearing the latest fashion.
Will sacrificing your principles to fit in
feel worth it to you? There are consequences
and risks of each action. Know the facts and
develop the skills to resist the pressures
to drink and do drugs. Talk to a trusted adult
or parent if you need help or advice.
Bullying can occur and make a teen feel like
a bull’s eye at target practice. It
can get ugly. The good news is that most high
schools have policies regarding bullying.
If you become a victim of bullying, tell a
parent, teacher or school administrator. Do
not tolerate this behavior.
As parent of teens, I can tell you that we
want you to succeed academically, socially
and emotionally. We want you to develop your
own identity. Share these final tips with
your parents so that they may help you have
a successful school year.
•Be positive, parents. Tell your tweens
and teens that you will support them academically,
such as by finding a tutor.
•Make an effort to keep track of what
your tweens and teens learn in school.
•Do not wait until the first report
card to track your teen’s academic progress.
Talk to your teen’s teachers.
•Communicate. The more involved you
are in your teen’s life, the more he
or she will feel valued and will respond to
you.
•Discuss your rules and limits including
curfew and expectations for certain behaviors.
Be honest and up front about the rationale
behind your rules.
•Talk to your teen about the legal ramifications
of cheating as well as using drugs and drinking.
•Know what the policy is for bullying
at the middle and high school level.
I am happy to report that I followed my aforementioned
guidelines for my tween’s last school
year. He did well in all subjects— he
even made the honor roll several times. Start
a dialogue in your home to deal with school
anxieties as they arise— and here’s
to a happy school year!
Betty C. Martello is a licensed clinical
social worker currently in private practice.
She is the mother of two sons. You may reach
her at (914)962-0457. Her e-mail address is
bettymartello@msn.com.
