BFF-For Ten Months Each Year
Whether going to camp with a friend is the right choice for you.
by Laura M. Miller


TWEENS & TEENS News January 2007

Some kids insist on trekking to camp with a best buddy. Others prefer going to camp solo. Is there a right choice? Is there a wrong one? Absolutely! But the answer is different for each individual.

To decide which choice is right for you, think carefully about your goals for your summer experience. Are you looking to escape the local crowd and embrace an opportunity to reinvent yourself? Are you instead looking to fortify existing friendships? Perhaps you are shy and feel you need the comfort of a familiar face.

Attending a new camp can be intimidating for even the most confident individual. As new campers, you are completely breaking away from your comfort zone, and it is normal to feel out of sorts during the first few days of the session. Although the thought of having a built-in friend may seem comforting now, think ahead. How will you feel once the anxiety settles and you feel acclimated to your new situation? Will this buddy still be great to have around— or might you be resentful of this friend’s presence? Think about the possible situations that may arise, and how you and your friend might navigate these issues.

“I wanted my daughter to go alone,” says Karen Alford of Melville, N.Y. “I wanted Dana to have what I had: a whole separate group of camp friends. One of my best friends today is someone I went to camp with. We wouldn’t have that friendship today had we met any differently.” Months prior to Dana’s first day camp, Alford contacted her daughter’s camp, Camp Poyntelle in Poyntelle, Pa., for the name of another first-time camper in her area. The girls met beforehand and even went camp shopping together. “If nothing else, it was a familiar face on the bus,” recalls Alford. “It was up to them whether they would forge a lasting friendship.”

Arlene Streisand, director of Camp Specialists, a free camp referral service in Jericho, N.Y., feels it is often the parents, versus the camper, who want their child to know another person at camp. But Streisand believes all kids go to camp with the intention of making new friends.

“I personally think that camp friends and home friends should be separate,” Streisand says. “Kids experience so many special things at camp. If they are fortunate enough to bond with other campers, they will always be able to reflect back upon these experiences together. Going with a friend from home can inhibit branching out and meeting other kids. Or, worse, the friendship could backfire as one friend wishes to branch out and the other friend feels left out. This could lead to trouble back at home.”

Zach Cohen of Oceanside, N.Y. thinks he had the best of both worlds when he started at Camp Chipinaw in Swan Lake, N.Y. four summers ago. “I didn’t plan to go to camp with friends,” he explains, “but two of my friends ended up choosing the same camp. Luckily, we all agreed to bunk separately. This way, we had the comfort of a friend nearby, but also an opportunity to meet other kids.”

Laura Pierce, co-director of Camp Birchmont in Wolfeboro, N.H. says, “The important thing is to make sure that the camp is a good fit for both kids. As friends, you should at least have parallel interests or the friendship may suffer, as one friend thrives and the other may not.”

Will Pierce, an experienced Birchmont group leader for the middle school set, adds that families should not underestimate the role that camp staff plays in cabin dynamics and in making a situation like this a success. “Sometimes adolescent kids are too close to a situation regarding a friend and may not notice that the friendship has become too insular or negative,” says Will. “A good staff member can subtly, but proactively, encourage individual interests, activities and new friends.” Considering how campers learn about relationship dynamics with the help of camp staff, Will feels the lessons of friendship may relate to larger situations later in life, such as going to college or working with a friend.

If you do decide to attend camp and bunk with a friend from home, think carefully about this particular friendship. Sit down with your friend and both sets of parents for a pre-summer conversation to discuss the following questions:

1. Are both of you new to this camp or does one friend have a history there, and how will that history play a role this summer?
2. Is this a recent or long-standing friendship?
3. Are you equal partners in the friendship?
4. Do you and your friend know how to successfully work out your differences?
5. Do either of you get jealous easily?
6. How will you feel when you separately bond with other campers?

No friend should be too reliant on another, as this does not bode well for either tween or teen. And don’t allow a friend to pressure you into a situation that you’re not comfortable with. Know when to say no!

Between friends, a little effort goes a long way, and speaks volumes as to how the friendship will develop at camp. All friendships evolve. But the hope is that summer camp for existing friends will enhance the relationship for the two kids who are already amicable in school or their community.

So what’s the answer to the age-old question: Should you attend camp with a friend from home? The answer is, trust your instincts, think ahead and— most importantly— communicate with your family, your friend and camp staff. Together you can decide what the right choice will be to ensure a successful summer of friendship and fun.

Laura M. Miller is a writer and marketing consultant who has worked at several camps. She is the founder and marketing director of www.CampRatingz.com and lives on Long Island with her husband and three children.